Funny Birthday Phrases

If I'd known I was going to live this long,
I'd have taken better care of myself.
                                                                                            - Eubie Blake

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.

Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.

In dog years, I'm dead.

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

You're not 40, you're 18 with 22 years experience.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. - Bob Hope

As you get older, three things happen.
The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.
                                                                              - Sir Norman Wisdom

Birthdays are good for you.
Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
                                                                                     - Larry Lorenzoni

People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday.
I tell them, a paternity suit.  - George Burns

There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glen

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
                                                                                           - Mark Twain

Inside every older person is a younger person, wondering what the heck happened.
                                                                        - Cora Harvey Armstrong

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year.
I told him, At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.
                                                                                    - Claude D. Pepper

I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper.
Then I look at the obituary page.
If my name is not on it, I get up.
                                                                                  - Harry Hershfield